


When The Truth Is You

by existingcourage



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Boys Kissing, DanXPhil, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Frustration, M/M, Oral Fixation, Phan - Freeform, Romance, YouTube, danielhowell - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 22:59:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/existingcourage/pseuds/existingcourage
Summary: A short and sweet fic about Dan’s “living your truth” video. Inspired by all of @psychicmoth ‘s art (because she’s unbelievably skilled, that’s why) and a few Troye songs. Dan basically is freaking out because his video created quite a stir.





	When The Truth Is You

**Author's Note:**

> They kiss so I’m tagging this as an oral fixation fic. Deal with it.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

I turn on my heels, I’m ready to end the conversation there, but he’s following me. His steps are soft and cautious behind mine and it’s not fair. I wish he was mocking me; I wish he were like the others, behind a screen and crude. But he’s not, I remind myself. He’s Phil. Sweet and level- headed Phil. It’s my fault he’s dating a screw up.

“You shouldn’t beat yourself up over this.”

“I’m not.”

“Okay.”

His tone is cooling and loving and it’s wrong. It’s fucking unfair how calm he is while I’m a mess. How he refuses to push me further than what I’m capable. His hand is on my shoulder and I muster the courage to keep it there because the truth is: This sucks ass. And despite my ironic jokes, he knows it. I can never hide myself from him. His soft blue eyes see right through me. When I’m around Phil, I might as well be glass.

I drag myself to the lounge, the bright colors matching the loud chaos which are my thoughts. I know he’s beside me when I go to curl in the corner, my legs taut against my chest. I don’t notice the tears on my face until he wipes them away. He’s careful and gentle and slow; he holds me as if I’ll break at any moment.

That’s when I realize he knows. 

He can sense I’m glass too; broken, noticeable glass. He still holds me and the way he hums into my curls angers me. I feel the emotions building inside my chest, pushing against my ribs begging to break loose. It’s agony to see Phil put so much into this relationship only to receive bits of me. Only to be cut by my actions; my character. Me; the unstable and impulsive boyfriend.

“You could’ve talked me out of it.”

“Maybe.”

“I was making a mistake, I was just- I want to live my truth.”

“You are.”

Phil’s warm hand finds the soft skin on my left side, his fingers curl gently as he brushes his fingertips against the skin.

“I’m a fucking idiot. I can’t make a fucking joke without ruining our lives.”

I hear him sigh, he seems amused.

“Dan, this hasn’t ruined anything. You’re thinking too much.”

“Obviously I’m thinking too little.”

My legs find themselves draped over his lap, he pulls me closer.

“They just need some time to adjust. They’re not used to you being so open about sex and relationships. This isn’t your fault.”

Hot, uncomfortable tears cloud my vision as I scoff. Damn right, this isn’t my fault. It’s his. Everything about him confuses me, his eyes, his smile and soft words. His wondering hands yet cautious eyes, the way he laughs or treats me like glass because he knows.

I didn’t know I could feel as loved as I do with him, didn’t know I was capable of loving someone as much as I love him. We were friends and then we weren’t. Maybe I always knew I was in love with him, the signs were there.

But I didn’t take that step and neither did he. Years later I would know it was because he knew. He knew I wasn’t ready; my feelings were so new to me. He didn’t want to rush me. He never has.

It’s no wonder I grew selfish. I just wanted to hold his hand in public and kiss him on camera. I had this nagging feeling to just be with him, together, front and center. 

He couldn’t have talked me out of it. I felt ready.

I wasn’t. I’m not-

“Hey,” his thumb grazes my temple, “get out of there. You’ll scare yourself to death, yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

Soft swollen pink lips find mine. I feel myself breaking, the glass surrounding my heart cracks violently. It hurts to breathe and to move and to think. My hands find his and I understand why I did what I did. 

The walls around my soul shatter inside my body as he pulls my body closer to his. It’s in this exact moment I realize what I’ve been longing to know; My truth. My truth is in dark locks and ocean eyes. I love him with all my being- I love you Philip Michael Lester.

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! My Tumblr is @existingcourage. I write phanfiction and I'm an admin on the blog @thephandommonthly. Check me out! (please)


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